Little-Known Miracles from the Bible: Exodus

MosesWithWalker

Most people are familiar with the biblical miracles of parting the Red Sea; surviving three days in a fish’s belly (and being spewed out good as new); walking on unfrozen water and turning it into wine; resurrecting the dead, etc. These have all been done to death, so in this series, we’re going to take a look at some of the lesser-known miracles of the Bible: the ones that often pass by without notice.

13 women having 3 million great-grandchildren

The question is typically posed: How could 70 people have 3 million offspring in only four generations? We’re going to explain the rationale behind that question, answer it, and then show why it may not be the right question.

The Bible states that the members of Jacob’s family who went to Egypt were 70 in all, and gives the names of 57 of these as men–leaving 13 of them to be women (Gen. 46:8-27). Moses was only the third generation from one of these people (Kohath, who begat Amram, who begat Moses (Gen. 46:11, Ex. 6:18-20)

From 57 men and 13 women, how many people could there have been in four generations? [Not three generations, because Moses was certainly old enough to have children at the time of the Exodus from Egypt.] The Bible tells us that there were 603,550 Israelite men over 21 years of age who crossed over the Red Sea with Moses as they fled Egypt (Ex. 38:26). For each of these adult males, we could safely assume that there was at least one woman (603,550) and three children (1.8 million). That would make a total of well over three million people!

According to the Guinness Book of World Records, the most prolific women have had great-grandchildren in the hundreds. For 13 women to achieve 1.8 million great-grandchildren would require an average of 139,281 great-grandchildren per woman! This, in turn, would require each woman on average to give birth to 53 children (with at least 52 of them being females.) [This meets the quantity criteria, however, it does not give us 603,550 adult males at the end of four generations. For that, the women would’ve had to have been even more pro-creative!]

The miraculously fertile 4 generations of Exodus

Let’s say that all of these women had 26 child-bearing years (from sexual maturity at age 14 to age 40).  That’s not enough years to meet their quota of children with single births every year So, each woman would have to bear at least 26 pairs of twins. Every one of those children would need to survive and reproduce. Every single female child and grandchild would likewise have to meet this incredible quota of offspring: giving twin births every year of their lives between the ages of 14 and 40.

The above scenario would be extremely unlikely. Women: Can you imagine getting pregnant again 3 months after giving birth–every year? Men: Can you imagine trying to raise 53 children on a slave’s wages? We could safely call it a miracle.

But, of course, Bible-defenders will claim that we’ve got it all wrong; they tell us that the Israelites were in Egypt for 430 years (Exod 12:40-41). Okay; that certainly helps! Now, with more than four centuries to play with, our Israelite women only had to produce 4 children apiece to arrive at 3 million Israelites after 16 generations. That’s still remarkably fertile, but, alas, not a miracle.

However, don’t be dejected; even with 430 years there are still some hidden miracles at work here.

Moses: Old Enough to be Dead?!

How could there only be four generations (at least in Moses’ line) in 430 years? After 430 years no one from the fourth generation would still be alive; they’d be over 300 years old.

Unless, of course, the men in Moses’ line fathered children after the age of 100, and Moses was at least a hundred years old when he crossed the Red Sea.
Oh, but even this “solution” leads to impossibilities miracles:

Year Person/Event Person’s Age Age at death
0 Kohath (son of Levi) journeys (we’ll assume as a newborn) with Jacob to Egypt (Gen 46:11)
133 Kohath fathers Amram 133 133 (Ex 6:18)
270 Amram fathers Moses 137 137 (Ex 6:20)
430 Moses crosses Red Sea 160 (Ex 12:40-41)
470 After 40 years wandering in wilderness Moses dies 200

For all of the above genealogy: Ex. 6:16-20

Now here’s the miracle: the Bible plainly tells us that Moses died at the age of 120 (Deut 34:7). That means he had been dead for forty years before he ever led the Israelites out of Egypt! Quite a feat! No wonder he was reluctant to speak in public; the smell would’ve been overwhelming!

But, other Bible-defenders will tell us that the other Bible-defenders have it all wrong: the Israelites weren’t in Egypt for 430 years; they were only there for half that time (215 years) based on Galatians 3:15-17. So, we could now have a live Moses to lead them as follows:

Year Person/Event Person’s Age Age at death
0 Kohath (son of Levi) journeys (as a newborn) with Jacob to Egypt (Gen 46:11)
67 Kohath fathers Amram 67 133 (Ex 6:18)
135 Amram fathers Moses 68 137 (Ex 6:20)
215 Moses crosses Red Sea 80 (Ex 12:40-41)
255 After 40 years wandering in wilderness
Moses dies
120 (Deut 34:7)

Very good. But wait, that means we also need to cut in half the amount of time for our 13 Hebrew women to produce 3 million descendants.
Actually, this isn’t too big of a deal: we just have to increase their output from 4 children to 6 children. The unlikeliness factor is still large, but not so huge as to rate the word “impossible.”

So, for the Bible-defenders in the 215-year camp (which may be the minority) there is no miracle here. But I’ve unearthed some related ones for us to enjoy:

1. More, yet fewest!
There were more Israelites than Egyptians (according to Exodus 1:7-9) yet a chronologically later Bible book [supposedly also written by Moses] states: “The Lord did not set his love upon you, nor choose you, because you were more in number than any people; for you were the fewest of all people.” (Deut. 7:7)

2. Three Million down to 7 thousand!
We are later told in the Bible that the entire population of Israel was only 7,000 (1 Kings 20:15). What happened to the rest of the descendants of three million of “God’s chosen people” whom he was allegedly “blessing” in the “land of milk and honey” during that time?

3. Two over-achieving midwives!
According to Ex 1:15 there appear to be only two Hebrew midwives.
Averaging the number of births in the 10 years leading up to the 1.8 million children gives us a Hebrew birthrate of 86,221 per year, or 236 per day, which is 10 per hour. If two midwives worked 12 hour shifts every day, they would have 6 minutes per delivery (including travel time).

But first-time deliveries typically take 8 hours. If the midwives only attended to first-time deliveries (letting the experienced take care of themselves) and only 1/4 of the women were first-time mothers, that would consume 472 hours per day, requiring a bare minimum of 39 midwives working 12 hour shifts around the clock.

Of course, the “That doesn’t mean what it says” school of biblical interpretation will tell us that when the Bible indicates that there were only two midwives, it doesn’t mean midwives at all, but rather the leaders of the midwives’ union!

So maybe the real miracle here is that anyone believes the “that doesn’t mean what it says” interpretation.

4. An Egyptian Princess bathed in the Nile.
Why would a princess bathe in a river polluted by the putrefying bodies of slave babies? If the Egyptians were obeying Pharaoh’s order (which would be implied by Moses’ mother taking the drastic action of floating her baby down the river), then over a hundred male babies were being pitched into the Nile every day. It would be the last place on Earth a princess would choose to bathe in. Another miracle!

5. Wrong-way infanticide.
When I was researching this article I wrote a simulation program to determine how the birth numbers could be arrived at by tweaking the parameters. One thing I experimented with was varying the ratio of male to female babies. I found that the 3 million could be reached within the 430 years by each woman giving birth to as few as 3 children–as long as two of the three were female (and the culture and economy permitted the average Joe to have two wives.) But, if the ratio were changed to two boys and one girl we ended up with a population under a thousand after 430 years!

What this drastic difference proves is that reducing the number of males has no appreciable effect on the population compared to reducing the number of females. (Think about it: 100 women and one man can give birth to 100 babies a year. But one woman and 100 men can only give birth to one.)

This is why when infanticide is practiced the victims are universally female. The Egyptians weren’t idiots. If they were trying to curb the Hebrew population, and were willing to resort to this barbaric practice, then they would’ve drowned the girl babies, not the boys.
But, history shows that the Egyptian culture did not endorse infanticide. The Bible’s account is a calumny against Egyptian morality as well as an insult to their intelligence — and ours.

6. Take my jewelry: please!
According to Ex. 12:35-36 The weary Egyptians willingly gave the Hebrews their jewelry.

After having weathered all these plagues, and having their crops destroyed, their cattle killed, their water-supply polluted, their firstborn murdered: all supposedly by the Hebrew’s God, we are to believe that the Egyptians wished them well and gave them gifts of jewelry. “Oh, you’re leaving? My goodness, don’t go empty-handed. Even though our family is now destitute, and in desperate need of our few remaining resources to feed our surviving children, we really want you to have the gold chain that we were going to hand down to our firstborn daughter whom your god murdered in punishment for his forcing Pharaoh not to release you.” Yeah, right.

7. Think rush hour traffic is bad today?
3 million slaves left Egypt in a single day, with enough provisions, cattle, firewood, and wealth to sustain them for 40 years in a barren wilderness. This despite the fact that they would’ve formed a column some sixty miles in length. If the leader began at 1:00 AM the one bringing up the rear would’ve taken his first step by 7:00 AM the following day (assuming no one stopped to rest during those first 30 hours.)
C’mon, people: this is a story for children (or child-like minds.)

8. Impossible magic!
Jehovah is the creator, right? The only creator, right? And even though he “rested from all his works” on the seventh day (which Witnesses and others tell us is still continuing today) and has done no act of creation during this “day,” (WT Feb 1, 1955 p. 95  and WT Oct 1, 2001 p. 30) in one of his plagues on Egypt he created enough frogs on the spot to “cover the land.” That’s the first contradiction miracle.

But, we are told, Pharaoh’s magicians then “did the same thing.” (Exodus 8:1-8) The Watchtower tells us that magic comes from Satan. So, evidently Jehovah is not the only creator: Satan created frogs too. (How they could tell, though, is a mystery: since there were already frogs “covering the land” how could they tell if more were added?)

We also have to wonder why the Egyptian magicians would voluntarily and willingly harm their own land by increasing the plague of frogs.

Even though the Bible tells us that blood is so sacred that a Jehovah’s Witness dares not have a blood transfusion (because “the life is in the blood” Lev 17:11), Jehovah turned all the water in Egypt into blood. So then, all the water had life in it (as well as someone’s “personality” according to the Watchtower Sep 15 1961 p.564). So no one could drink it without violating the “everlasting covenant.”

The Israelites would’ve died of dehydration within a few days. But here’s another impossible miracle: we are told that Pharaoh’s magicians once again “did the same thing.” (Ex 7:19-22) But “doing the same thing” would’ve required them to turn water into blood — but there was no water; it had already all been turned to blood! So this is another account in the Bible that we simply cannot believe, try as we might.

9. Violating Freewill in the Cause of Vanity
Jehovah does not cause anyone to sin, right? If people sin it’s their own fault, right? (James 1:13-15) Going against God’s will is a sin, right?

Okay, so God’s will was to release the Israelites from bondage in Egypt. Pharaoh had agreed to let them go (Ex 12:31-32), and in fact, they were on their way when we read:

“I will harden the hearts of the Egyptians so that they will go in after them. And I will gain glory through Pharaoh and all his army, through his chariots and his horsemen. The Egyptians will know that I am the Lord when I gain glory through Pharaoh, his chariots and his horsemen.”
Ex 14:17-18

It seems that even the dumb loyalty of Pharaoh’s soldiers was not enough to make them continue in their foolish pursuit of the Israelites. But, lest their freewill interfere with God’s showing off, God the puppet-master took control and hardened all of their hearts!

10. Absent Evidence
Bible-defenders are fond of quoting the adage: “Absence of evidence isn’t evidence of absence.” But they are mistaking negative evidence for absent evidence. Let’s take an example: A schoolchild, prone to playing hooky, tells his mother that he attended school that day. But when the mother calls the school principal he tells her that none of the teachers saw him that day, and he was not checked off on the attendance sheet. While it’s true that there is an “absence of evidence” for his attendance, the facts present convincing negative evidence to reasonably conclude that he skipped school that day.

There is negative evidence of:

  • a massive Hebrew population in Egypt
  • the Egyptians having engaged in massive slavery within their borders
  • the Egyptians having practiced infanticide on a massive scale
  • millions of people emigrating en masse from Egypt into the Sinai desert

So we can reasonably conclude that none of the above things happened.

The borders of Egypt were well guarded and logs were kept of all movement in and out: but no mention of the 3 million. There is no evidence of human habitation in the area of Goshen during the period when the Bible tells us the Hebrews spent 38 of their 40 “wandering” years after leaving Egypt. Many of the cities they supposedly did battle with are known to have been unpopulated at that time.

This cannot be explained (as it typically is by believers) by saying the Egyptians were too embarrassed to write about their butts getting kicked by the Hebrews. We’re not just talking about written Egyptian historical records here. We’re talking about artifacts. People don’t live in a country for over two centuries without leaving a trace. You can’t take 3 million people and march them through a desert for 40 years without leaving a trace. It’s impossible (or, if you prefer: an unadvertised, inadvertent “miracle.”)

The conclusion — that the Exodus did not happen at the time and in the manner described by the Bible — seems irrefutable when we examine the evidence at specific sites where the children of Israel were said to have camped for extended periods during their wandering in the desert (Numbers 33) and where archaeological evidence — if present — would almost certainly be found.

Sites mentioned in the Exodus are real… Unfortunately for those seeking a historical Exodus, they were unoccupied precisely at the time they reportedly played a role in the events of the wandering of the children of Israel in the wilderness.

–The Bible Unearthed, pp. 63-68 (Simon & Schuster, 2001) by Israel Finkelstein (Director, Sonia and Marco Nadler Institute of Archaeology, Tel Aviv University) and Neil Asher Silberman (Director, historical interpretation, Ename Center for Public Archaeology and Heritage Presentation, Belgium; and Contributing Editor, Archaeology magazine)

One thought on “Little-Known Miracles from the Bible: Exodus

  1. howyagoin • 3 years ago
    First, to debunk your theory that there wasn’t enough time for the Israelites to grow to 3 million when they were in Egypt. The total time period was 215 years. The ‘four generations’ following their entering Egypt can be calculated in this way, using as an example just one tribe of Israel, the tribe of Levi: (1) Levi, (2) Kohath, (3) Amram, and (4) Moses.—Ex 6:16, 18, 20. The number coming up out of Egypt, namely, 600,000 able-bodied men besides women and children, would mean that there could have been more than three million persons.

    Here is why this is not at all unreasonable, and what you are forgetting. While there were only four generations from Levi to Moses, when viewed from the standpoint of the life span of these long-lived men, each of these men could have seen several generations or several sets of children born during his lifetime!!! You see, even at the present time a man, 60 or 70 years old often has grandchildren and may even have great-grandchildren (thus four generations living contemporaneously).

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    howyagoin • 3 years ago
    Where did the Egyptian priests get water that had not been turned into blood?

    They could have used some water that had been taken from the Nile River before this plague. Unaffected water apparently could also be collected by digging wells in the moist soil round about the Nile River.—Exodus 7:24.

    Weren’t all the cattle killed in the 5th plague? No, many were, but not all. The Bible doesn’t say that.

    The magic-practicing priests of Egypt seemingly duplicated to an extent the first three miracles performed by Moses. (Ex 7:11, 22; 8:7) In other places in the Bible, it is said that they use “crafty acts”. But they were powerless when it came to producing gnats, having to admit that it was “the finger of God!” They were likewise helpless in preventing the plague of boils from afflicting themselves.—Ex 8:18, 19; 9:11. While the demons are quite powerful and the Bible calls Satan the god of this world, there is only one Almighty God, only one Creator. You could call it a sort of “battle of the gods”. Pharaoh summoned the power of all the gods of Egypt against the power of Jehovah. Of course, Almighty God won.

    You are misunderstanding the departure of the Israelites, probably because of Hollywood’s version from the Ten Commandments. In reality, the Israelites must have been in various locations when they started the march out of Egypt, not all initially in one compact body!!! Some may have merged with the main body of marchers as they went along. Rameses, (either the city or a district of that name, was the starting point), the first lap of the journey being to Succoth. (Ex 12:37) Some scholars suggest that, while Moses began the march from Rameses, the Israelites came from all over the land of Goshen and met at Succoth as a rendezvous.

    But it was in battle formation that the sons of Israel went up out of the land of Egypt, that is, possibly like an army in five parts, with vanguard, rear guard, main body, and two wings.

    The oldest Jewish tradition, recorded by Josephus, is to the effect that the march began a short distance N of Memphis.—Jewish Antiquities, II, 315 (xv, 1). the starting point of the Exodus march must have been sufficiently near Memphis for Moses to have been called before Pharaoh after midnight on Passover night and then to have reached Rameses in time to begin the march toward Succoth before the 14th day of Nisan ended. (Ex 12:29-31, 37, 41, 42)

    Had it not been for the miraculous cloud obscuring their view, the Egyptians would have easily overtaken and slaughtered many. (Ex 15:9) When the Israelites had gone into the sea and the cloud behind them had moved ahead to reveal this fact to the Egyptians, THEN they could continue their pursuit.

    Regarding the riches of Egypt, the Bible account clearly shows that the Israelites plundered the Egyptians. They owed them for 215 years of free slave labor, and Jehovah made sure they got what they were due. Obviously, it wasn’t because the Egyptians were PLEASED to give them their riches, they were plundered because they had no choice. They were scared after all the power demonstrated by the God of the Israelites. At this point, they just wanted them to go, according to the Bible account. Some of them even decided to go WITH the Israelites, but most just allowed themselves to be plundered. But, they owed the Israelites 215 years of wages, don’t forget.

    Regarding your doubts that the infanticide in ancient Egypt actually happened, in 1978, Laila Williamson, an anthropologist of the American Museum of Natural History, summarized the data she had collected on the prevalence of infanticide among tribal and civilized societies from a variety of sources in the scientific and historical literature. Her conclusion was startlingly blunt:

    “Infanticide has been practiced on every continent and by people on every level of cultural complexity, from hunters and gatherers to high civilization, including our own ancestors. Rather than being an exception, then, it has been the rule.”

    Child skeletons with the marks of sacrifice have been found also in Egypt dating 950-720 BCE, so it’s not a stretch to accept the Bible’s account of that Pharoah-ordered infanticide of Israelite males.

    As to why not the females instead of the males, have you ever considered that the Egyptians wanted more female slaves at that time?

    Infant girls were apparently not killed more often than baby boys, researchers report in an upcoming issue of the Journal of Archaeological Science.-JAN 26, 2014 BY STEPHANIE PAPPAS, LIVESCIENCE

    You are wrong that there were ONLY two midwives. Shiphrah and Puah were RESPONSIBLE for all the other midwives, they certainly weren’t the ONLY midwives. That wouldn’t even make sense.

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    Steve • 3 years ago
    Hi howyagoin,

    How have you “debunked” something that we agree on? I plainly showed that there was enough time to increase the population of the Israelites (given 430 years — by the alternate biblical interpretation.) The problem is, it’s pretty far-fetched to think there were only 4 generations in 430 years.

    If you opt for the 215 year explanation, the four generations becomes less incredible, but the 3 million offspring becomes more incredible. Certainly the four generations would have to be an exceptional case (as you state) while the vast majority of families would had to have had many more generations during that time.

    I would just add that polygamy cannot increase the population as compared to monogamy. A woman can only give birth about once a year (granting a recovery period) it doesn’t matter if her husband is banging other women or not. The important number in the calculation is the number of women — not men. You start off with 13 females [and it doesn’t really matter how many males: as long as there are enough to impregnate the females], and you end up with 3 million offspring of those 13 women in 215 years. Yes, that’s feasible if each female has at least 6 children three of whom are girls who also have six children (3 girls) throughout every generation. Is it likely for a slave population to flourish to this extent? What did they feed all those hungry mouths: straw meant for the bricks?

    In any case, there is no evidence (as there surely would be) that such a multitude of foreigners ever lived in Egypt for centuries or encamped in the Sinai Desert for 40 years. So I think it’s safe to say that we have an exaggeration here of biblical proportions.

    You say it doesn’t make sense that there were only two midwives. You are right (as am I): it doesn’t make sense.

    No, it doesn’t say they were the only two midwives — but it implies that they were, and we certainly don’t hear of any others.

    But, I guess we could surmise that the slaves had formed their own union for midwives. Pharoah met regularly with them to see how the population thing was going. Then the union leaders held their union meeting and informed all the other midwives about Pharoah’s orders (which they all decided to disobey.) Then Pharoah, who was a really intelligent and powerful leader (considered a god), well he just let the midwives go on disobeying his order, and watched as they had families of their own. It never occurred to him or his advisors to punish the midwives and replace them with Egyptian midwives who would follow his orders. (Sorry, some things just cry out for a little sarcasm.)

    Yes, I’m well aware that infanticide has been practiced in virtually every culture throughout history. My point was that this was not a cultural norm in Egypt, but rather a rare occurrence (as in our own society.)

    Historically, infanticide has been committed against females, and this makes sense if you are trying to keep a population in check. Check your history, please.

    You say the Egyptians surrendered their riches out of fear. Hmmm, here is what the New World Translation (2013 ed.) has to say on this:

    “The Israelites did what Moses had told them and asked the Egyptians for articles of silver and of gold as well as clothing. Jehovah gave the people favor in the eyes of the Egyptians, so that they gave them what they asked for” (Ex. 12:35-36)

    They “asked” and found “favor in the eyes of the Egyptians.” That’s what the Bible says. Not that the Egyptians were “sore afraid,” but that they looked upon the Israelites “favorably” and simply “gave them what they asked for” — not begrudgingly surrendered it.

    Likely? Or another little-known miracle? I opt for the latter; it’s more likely that if one of these Jehovah-worshippers came calling at an Egyptian’s door asking for a handout after they claimed that Jehovah had murdered their firstborn, the Israelite would’ve been giver their silver all right: a silver dagger in the belly.

    How did these Israelites in “various locations” find out about the starting time of the exodus? Did Moses call them all up on their cellphones?

    Can you imagine the crowd control needed to get 3 million people to march anywhere (much less into a desert)? Do you have any notion of the logistics involved in feeding, watering, and otherwise maintaining such a group? The kids’ potty-breaks alone had to have set them back. Tradition has it that Moses had to ask one woman to silence the child that kept asking “Are we there yet?” (Okay, I just made that up; but it’s more likely than what the Bible writers made up.)

    As to the Egyptian magicians competing with Moses’ magic rod, I’m not clear whether you’re saying it was “crafty acts” or demon gods. Being an atheist, I opt for the former.

    Having been an amatuer magician myself, I think creating frogs is a better trick than creating gnats. They should’ve just pointed to some of Moses’ gnats and said: “See that one there? That one is our doing!” After all, magic is trickery.

    If it was Satan running the show, then I guess I’m not going to be frightened of him if he can’t even call forth a gnat.

    But, by the same token, I’m not going to worship a god who murders all the firstborn children just to show off how “great” he thinks he is.

    As to your explanation of the Egyptians turning water into blood: I think you’ve missed my point, Howyagoin. The Bible clearly states that “All the water turned to blood.” “All” includes water taken from the Nile before the trick [the account explicitly states that water in containers also turned to blood], as well as underground water. Also, for the Egyptian magicians to have done “the same thing” they would have had to turn “all the water to blood” — which was impossible because there was no water; it had “all” been turned to blood.
    The Bible story as written is impossible, whether you want to believe it or not. It’s impossible even if you believe in miracles; even a miracle cannot save this logical impossibility.

    As for the cattle: I thought in another post (on Falling For It) you stated that you checked all different translations to make sure of everything the Watchtower claimed. So you must be aware that just about every other translation states that “all” the Egyptian cattle were killed in the fifth plague. Here is how the New International Version reads in regards to the fifth plague:

    “And the next day the Lord did it: All the livestock of the Egyptians died, but not one animal belonging to the Israelites died.” (Ex. 9:6)

    Notice the word “All” there? The NWT, of course, inserts the words “sorts of” here, in order to change the meaning (just as they insert the words “sorts of” in the all-important verse Romans 5:18, which you can see in your Interlinear does not exist in the Greek. I guess for the Watchtower bad habits [such as dishonestly translating things to fit your doctrine] die hard.)

    You can easily check a bunch of other translations here: http://biblehub.com/exodus/9-6.htm
    Notice how they all use the word “ALL” in connection with the death of the Egyptian cattle. The NWT is the only one I know of that inserts the words “sorts of” here. I guess they neglected to read the warnings in the Bible about adding anything to it or going beyond what was written.

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    howyagoin • 3 years ago
    Steve, I did my best. I can’t think of anything else to say to convince you. I perceive that you wouldn’t be satisfied that those events actually happened unless the Bible spelled out each and every tiny detail for you. Do you give the same scrutiny to secular history books? Even LESS detail was given for what I learned in school, yet I have no doubt that historical events happened. I am satisfied that enough evidence is given to believe the Bible account of Exodus. It saddens me that you are not, but we will have to agree to disagree on this one. (I did enjoy researching all that info though, so thanks for that!)

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    Steve • 3 years ago
    Howyagoin, I take secular history with a grain of salt as well. I don’t believe that Alexander “the great” parted the waters for his troops to pass through dry-shod (as some early history books claim) anymore than I believe Moses accomplished the same feat.

    When a tale is told in which the laws of physics were violated to make someone look good, you can be pretty sure that it’s a fabrication.

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